As a Dutchman who loves to tell stories, I have heard the idiom in the Title of this blog post quoted at me more than once.

My wife, Jo, uses a hearing aid, but my hearing is perfect, “You just don’t listen,” she says. True. I don’t listen like I should, but worse than that, I often talk more than I should.
Why Am I Talking?
I have felt frustrated in conversations where others talk slowly or drag in what looks like irrelevant information. When I finally get a chance to say something, I tend to go on and on. When I sense I may be dominating a conversation, I remind myself of the acronym WAIT, which stands for “Why Am I Talking?” I’ve found it helps me listen more carefully and talk less.

When I first became active in leadership in Wycliffe Bible Translators, I found that I talked far too much. More than half the talking was done by me. Staff began to feel the meeting was all about me and not about them. I tended to rush conversations with others. Instead of bringing me potential solutions, the staff depended on me to solve their troubles. I eventually learned a much better way of leading and problem-solving.

Pray for Wisdom
First, I prayed, quoting James 1:5 “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” (NLT).

Then, I learned to ask people to bring me potential solutions to whatever issue needed solving. When they suggested something they could do, I asked my AWE question: “And What Else?”

This made the person think of more ideas to get around their obstacle. By repeatedly asking the AWE questions, they often described a solution that turned out to be very good.

Occasionally, I had already thought of that same solution but had kept my mouth shut until they came up with this solution from their own thinking. Since they had thought of it themselves, they were much more likely to use their idea to deal effectively with the problem.

Building Self-Esteem
Moreover, when they used their own ideas to solve their difficulties, they built their self-confidence and learned to think better for themselves.

Not surprisingly, God has some commands in this area and not just for voluble Dutchmen.

“Understand this, my dear brother and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19 NLT)

“Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.” (Proverbs 18:13 The Message)

Jesus’ Example
Then there is Jesus’ example when he was a twelve-year-old boy, “in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.” (Luke 2:46)

I wonder if one of his questions was, “And What Else?”

This is how I continue to learn to listen more and talk less. What about you? Do you need to learn this? If so, how are you going about it?